Dear Avie, I’m so proud of you. You are healed. You are up there running around. No longer in need of a crutch. You have accomplished so much. You grew up right in front of me. It all happened too quickly. You are changing me from up above. I am the person you helped me become You accomplished so much in your short time here with me. You are where my eyes and soul need…

Dear Avie, Everything that comes also seems to go. Does anything last forever? I used to think so. Nothing last forever, I should know. It takes everything to get me out of this bed. I have to learn how to be functional all over again. I am afraid to get up. I must get up. I have to snap out of it. I need to release myself from my tangled up bed sheets. Your forever…

Dear Avie, We used to sing and dance in the car together. The car rides are silent now. I look into the rear view mirror searching for your sweet face. I only hope for you to look back at me. I wish I could look at you now. Your car seat was left in the car for a long time; I eventually had to take it out. Your toys and left over snacks had to…

Dear Avie, I have to learn how to appreciate life again. My time will come. I don’t have much time. None of us do. I need to continue to live, but how can I live with all the pain inside? How can I continue to live on without you? I will continue searching for a doorway to heaven, as I look for the light. The trauma tries to take over me. The fear is brewing…

Dear Avie, I am sitting here waiting for you. Stuck thinking about the past. Creeping up on me from behind. Will death come for me next? Save me. Life can be so dark and cruel. Searching for the light as I search for you. Anchor me down. I used to think life was beautiful, but now I don’t have a clue. I’m not sure how much more I can take. Mommy misses you. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I appreciate my body because of you. You made me who I am. With this body I gave life to you. My skin stretched thin. Giving birth changed something from within. My milk nourished you. Now the milk runs dry. No longer do my breasts feed you. I wish that I could fly up into the sky. I want to be inside the cushion of heaven with you, my sweet. I gave birth…