Dear Avie, I am in need of a break between death and being alive. I need wakefulness in order to survive. Did I need to lose myself in order to find out who I really am? Is this all in my head? The pain stays it doesn’t just pass. Ashes are falling down all around me. The fire is burning hot. I will not take my eyes away from your flame. Climbing while trying to…
Dear Avie, Rub away the sand from your sleepy eyes. Awaken to a new day. I myself have been trying to wake up. Every day is the same as the last. The days are going by so fast. I am trying to find new ways to fill my days. There is a change coming. It’s almost to the surface. I can feel it. Coming up from the deep. Rising up to the surface. It’s coming…
Dear Avie, Was it all real? The things that I have seen. I wish that I could unsee all of the death. The trauma takes control over me. I feel like a stranger who is living my life. I would give up everything just to hold you again. Take away all of this death. I wish that you could come back to me. Xoxo- Mommy
Dear Avie, I am waiting patiently for you. Do you hear my cries? Help pull me out of the mire. I am trying to set my feet onto a solid foundation. Preparing for what’s to come. Everything seems to be falling apart around me. In time I will see. When the world is on fire, no one can save me. Xoxo- Mommy
Dear Avie, I miss taking a bath with you. Our bubble bath time was the very best. The tub is no longer filled with bubbles. When I sit in our tub it’s empty and quiet. The first time I took a bath without you I cried. It felt so empty. I felt so alone. I couldn’t even pretend that you were in there with me, although I tried. Your presence is truly missed. I miss…
Dear Avie, When I write to you the bad things disappear. If I write enough will it keep me from losing my mind? I can’t lose my sight. I am begging and waiting for a sign. Nothing is as good as it used to be. I am running out of time. I have to find a new way to live. I have to stay alive. How can I keep on going when everything reminds me…