Dear Avie, The daylight flees. The ground beneath me starts to rumble. The weight of the rocks crumble beneath my feet. The gloom. Buried into the deepest part of the sea. The darkness proclaims the day. The light. Remnant amounts of light to spare. This oppression. I know I have to proclaim it. My arms reach out to you. Save me. Release me to my purpose. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, My thoughts of you keep me up at night. Flooding my mind. I am awake. I know I should be sleeping. No dreaming for me. Separating the light from the darkness. The darkness wants to take over. I won’t let the darkness possess me. Let me sleep with a light on. Send the sand man to me. Help me fall asleep. Watch over me through the night. Keep me from being afraid. I…

Dear Avie, The sea is so deep. I am searching for you. I can’t see what is underneath me. Shine a light. Show me the way. Cleanse me of the pain. Take away my misery. My eyes fill with tears. Flowing like water. Running down my cheeks. Resting upon my dry lips. Drinking my tears. Trying to quench my thirst. Tasting my own pain. The sadness. My madness. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie The thought of wanting another baby came over me. The urge of motherhood seldom shocks through my body. My empty belly. The void that now fills my arms is taking over my entire body. The body that once carried you. Maybe if I had another baby you would be back in my arms again. Maybe this time things would be different. Maybe they wouldn’t be. My troubles have doubled. Pain staking. The trauma…

Dear Avie, Your ocean blue eyes. Those chunky cheeks. Your soft little hands. Your footprints will be imprinted in the sand. I wish you were here next to me. My love for you grows exponentially. Bring me a pair of wings. Help me. Set me free. I will linger on the mountain’s peak. I go there to escape the reality of the troubled valley down below. Falling down on my knees. I am begging you.…

Dear Avie, I miss you so much. I have been crying for most of the day. My tears are hard to control once they begin. Looking towards the sky. Looking up to you. Searching for you. Searching for myself down here. The bridge is icy. Proceed with caution. Riding around the bend. Which lane do I get in? The exit is coming. Do I take it? You already know. Will I make it? Xoxo- Mommy