Dear Avie,
Is this the end of everything?
Everything that I had once felt inside.
I’m in need of hope.
I don’t want to die.
Is this the kind of life that I want to lead?
Standing on my knees.
It’s not that simple.
It’s hard to explain.
You went away.
Now I’m living through the darkest of my days.
Xoxo- Mommy
2 Comments
Your pain brings me to tears. I have not forgetten that in death, Avelynn gave several others the gift of her organs and, as a result, an extension to their life. She also wants you to live life to its fullest. She wants you to feel happy, not empty. She wants you to feel the warmth of the sun and see the brightness of its light. There will be darkness but those are moments for you to rest and restore your spirit, to close your eyes and dream of Avie. When morning comes, I pray you will feel rejuvenatd and have the energy to walk in the light, in God’s love for you. She is with Him. One day you will be with them too. But for now, I pray you feel the joy Avelynn brought to every life she touched and revel in that joy, make it your joy. With love in Christ our powerful healer whom wipes our tears and turns them to joy. Your friend, Nathalie.
Rachel
You are a truly wonderful person and a truly wonderful mother. I have thought of you often this week: I went to the D.O.’s, and there was your winning Breastfeeding Photo on the wall in the exam room. I went to therapeutic Horseback riding, and Avie’s spirit abounded there. Everytime I pass by the west Badger Exit on the Rich, I want to take the exit & go to your home to visit. I think about how much of your love and strength you gave to Avie, and I’m sure she would want to return that to you. I can’t imagine the pain and heartache you are experiencing now, but I am there to support you. I’m sure God has a bigger plan for you, while he holds Avie in His arms.
When I think of you, I often imagine you in the future … a few years from now. Scott has been promoted in his job, and is overseeing work sites and is now in charge of a a few journeymen. Your photography business has exploded, and you are booked out months in advance. You and Scott are living in a different house, a little bit bigger than the one you have. Your house is still very stylish, filled with your antiques and another 2-3 winning photos from contests. I imagine you sitting on your couch, with a toddler and another baby on the way. You are showing your toddler pictures of Avie, and explain all the things she was able to do during her short time with you and Scott. Even though they will never meet their big sister here on earth, you will explain to her younger siblings that Avie is looking down upon them from heaven. At times, you will have tears in your eyes, because you still miss her so much. But at other times, you will have tears in your eyes because it will remind you of how much joy Avie gave you and others.
They may ask you, “Mommy, why are you crying?” You will try to explain to them that people cry sometime because they are very sad, and sometimes because they are very happy. “That’s just the way people are,” you will say. But deep down you know you are crying because you are happy and sad all at once. You are sad that Avie is no longer with you. That will always be sad. But you are also crying because you are so happy that you found the strength to go on. To continue to be an awesome wife to Scott. To continue to be a wonderful daughter and an excellent friend. To find purpose & happiness in order fulfill your life’s dreams. To become a mommy again.
If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. You are a wonderful, wonderful person, and I still think of you as the daughter I never had (you know, with green eyes and brown hair like me. 😉 ) Avie gave so much to the world, and I know you have so much more to give too.