Missing You

Dear Avie,

You have been taken from my arms reach. Time for once in my life doesn’t seem to exist. I can barely remember what day it is. The hours pass by even faster now without you here. A piece of me is missing.

Why is it when tragedy strikes do we begin to really open our eyes? I hope that my eyes continue to see.

Only wishing that I could hold you now. Your blanket is resting on my lap. The smell of you lingering slightly on its material.

I decided to pick up this empty journal and begin to put pen to paper and write to you.

Never did I take any moment that I spent with you for granted. You will always be a part of me, my soul, and my heart, my everything.

I got a taste of a pie that I will never again be able to taste.

All that’s left are the memories and photographs, as well as all of your possessions that I will never be able to part with.

Pictures never fade but memories can. My memories of you will never fade.

I think about you every single day. I  sit and think about all the things that we did together, the hugs and the kisses that you gave me. I will always go back to those special moments spent with you.

I never thought that I would lose you. I feared for you every single day. Fearing for what the future might have held for you, I was scared for you. All of those fears and worries were put back into the closet. Just one look at you would make all of my fear disappear.

I held you during your last breaths, I felt your heart pump for its last time, your breath completely exhaled out of your body.

You are my beacon and it’s filled with this fire of love, joy and hope.

I won’t ever be the same, you’ve changed me. You were and still are my everything.

-xoxo Mommy