Dear Avie, Happy Fourth of July my sweet. I’m outside. It’s a beautiful day. I’m not going to attend the parade this year. Too many memories. I don’t want to celebrate. Dreading the end of summer. The clouds will cover up the sun. Old man winter will soon come. I wish you were here by my side during the Fourth of July. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, Everything we did together has been frozen in time. Within these pictures. Always in my mind. I will never forget you. Honoring you. Remembering you. Forever. We didn’t have many days together. Nine hundred and six days. That wasn’t enough time. You were only two. Your third birthday was celebrated without you. Come to my rescue. I’m drowning. Gasping for air. The water fills up my lungs. Your hands lift me up. Bringing…

Dear Avie, Slowly I’ve been putting my life back together again. The pieces of my life have been scattered everywhere. I’ve lost the light. My life. My love. I don’t want to lose my soul. I want to be a better person than I was before. Soul mending. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I didn’t used to know how to talk to you. Now I do. That’s why I write to you. I walked into your room. Tiptoed over the threshold. I went all the way in. Music is playing in the background. The music pulls me further in. Bringing me back to you. Closer to you. Songs remind me of you. Music does that to me. Soothes my soul. Sweet melody. Music heals me. Xoxo-…

Dear Me, You can feel the need of the people around you. Empathic. There are many broken souls. Surrounding you. Reaching out to you. Waiting to be loved. They too can feel you. Your pain. Sorrow. Exposed. I wish I could save my own soul. Everything is out of my control. Life is supposed to be indispensable. I need to keep living. Grow old. Will you help me save their souls while saving my own?…

Dear Me, I have to wake myself up. I refuse to be stuck. Living in a hellish dream. Always being haunted by something. Tearing me apart. The pain. Suffering. Grabbing me. Bringing me down. I’ve lost everything. I have to start over. I’ve been living in the same bad dream. Help me find my direction. Let me break free. Take away these bad dreams. Xoxo- Me

Dear Me, Time moves faster than before. I can hear temptations knocking at my door. Stuck inside. The past year feels like a dream. It’s hard to tell the difference between. What’s real and what’s fake? No fine lines. I’ve seen things. Things that no one should have to see. Horrible. Haunting. Staring back at me. Life reckoning. Xoxo- Me

Dear Avie, There’s something so precious about this. Where do I begin? Sitting outside your door. Holding on. Begging for more. Hoping you will reappear. Afraid of losing it all. I know you will help me. You will see me through. Death will not take over. I’m saving myself for you. Wishing this was all a dream. A game. You’ve given me sight to see the beauty through all of my pain. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, The grief is coming out. Exposing itself. I’ve been pushing it away. It’s time to set it free. Let it go. A little at a time. Writing soothes my mind. Begging. Pleading. Cure me. Please. Come back to me. Death. Grief does this to me. It’s trying to take you away from me. Stepping into the light. Can you hear me? I can finally see. Wishing I could go back to the beginning.…

Dear Avie, I’m sitting outside. Writing to you. Here I’ll stay as long as the weather permits. Clouds are rolling in. That’s ok. Clouds don’t always come with rain. The scorching sun could end up drying this place out. Too much rain could drown it all out. I just need enough rain to sustain. I don’t need too much of one good thing. Learning to appreciate what this life has to offer. Appreciating a little…