Dear Avie, I love you my sweet. I miss you. I wish you could be here with me. I want to feel you. The sweet touch of your hands. Snug in my bosom. Grabbing for my hair while I feed you. Your fingers exploring my mouth. My sweet memories of you. They provide me with a wealthy soul. A happy heart. To love and to hold. I miss you. Love, Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, The flowers that once surrounded me are wilting away. They have been pulled from their roots. Left only to live off the water. The water only gives them support. It can’t sustain. Depleted of their much needed nutrients. Everything is always fading. Nothing stays. In the end everything eventually wilts away. Nothing lasts forever they say. Only the light can help us to live another day. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, It is May 29th, 2017. Today marks 7 months since you have been gone. It doesn’t seem like it has been that long. It feels like it all happened yesterday. You were much older than 2. I tore a piece of myself and I laid it onto you. The many lives that I have lived. An old spirit. Just like you. Our souls became one. You gave me the best piece of you.…

Dear Avie, Grabbing at the deepest part of me. The deepest part of my soul. The cold crisp air. The breeze. Makes me feel at ease. Breathing. The nothingness takes over me. It is hard to control what you can’t see. Fill me back up. Make me clean. Crash into me. Rescue me. Release me from death’s powerful grip. Raise me up. I had to grow up too fast. Now I have nothing. Is there…

Dear Avie, Daydreaming. Pretending that you are sitting here next to me. Your little hand rests upon my arm. Guiding my pen. Helping me stay in between the lines. Looking over at you. Your head held high. Your beautiful smile. Infectious. Your eyes. A forget me not blue. Those chunky cheeks. Open arms. A full heart. My soul is ready. Let me in. I need you. Come back and save me. The scars are settling…

Dear Avie, Thrown into an unknown life. Stuck here without you. I had a life to live. I had you. I don’t know what to do. Searching for the love you gave. It makes me want to run away. Is all of this a part of some messed up game? Deprived of so many things. Deprived of you. My soul is exposed. I need the light in order to grow. Illuminate around me. Bring me…

Dear Avie, I hope you can hear me. I want to feel you again. I need to breathe you in. Your scent. So sweet. Deprived of you. Come back to me. I know you can’t come back. My time with you has passed. Your infant days passed me by. I am stuck here wondering why. Why couldn’t it have been me, not you? I wasn’t supposed to outlive you. You are supposed to outlive me.…

Dear Avie, The pain creeps in and out of me. The sadness will always be. Crying out to you my sweet. I cry and I weep. I don’t know where I need to be. I can’t find the pieces of me. My broken soul. Shattered glass. Picking back up the pieces. Carefully. Slowly. Help me. I don’t want to cut myself even deeper. Bleeding out. Lifeless life without you. Come back to me. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, The walls are crowding my space. The cement is starting to break. Soon it will come crashing down. Will I be able to take on all of the weight? Is this the end of it all? The end of me? Or is it a new beginning? The trauma The trials. Chasing after me. Wrapping around my neck. I am struggling. Climbing up the water filled stairs. Trying to reach you. Walking towards the…

Dear Avie, I had a hard time getting out of bed. I thought about lying here all day. All alone. In our room. Filling up on tears. Over flowing. Drowning. Tossing and turning in our bed. The blankets wrap themselves around my body. Tightly around my neck. Covering me completely. Holding me down. Losing light. Throw me a life line. Another chance. Ripping the covers off my head. Searching for you. I can no longer…