Dear Avie, My love for children has grown exponentially. There seems to be some sort of sparkle in their eyes. A connection between them and I. Maybe it’s the mother in me. I miss you my sweet. I wish that you could come back to me. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, You’re going to be the one that saves me. My pain is the reminder that you are real. Taking these words to help me build my bed of you. I can’t help but pull these words out of my head. Dreading the sharks that are in my bed. Thrashing the covers off of me, I think I’m between its teeth. Pulling the covers back over my head. Hiding myself from the truth that…

Dear Avie, I’m waiting here for you. I came here so that you would come for me. Or will I have to come to you? When I write it brings me close to you, the closest that I can be to you now. My words of desperation. This pain is the reminder that you are real. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, The things I do to help make me dream of you. I’ve been trying to dream about what our life used to be. You’ve got that medicine I need. The world is a spider web and we’re caught in the middle. Twisting and turning just to survive. You’ve been set free. Free from the web of the world. Won’t you come save me? Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, You’re in my bloodstream, I’ve inhaled you deeply into my lungs. You’re forever now behind my eyes. You took my heart, and now you have it in your little hands. There’s a hollow in my chest now, won’t you fill it up again? When I’m feeling down you’re here to lift me up. Can we bury this fire, to raise me higher and higher? Caught up between the waves. Hoping that the water…

Dear Avie, Not many can take this pain that keeps stabbing at my heart. My love for you is pouring out. It’s you that’s in my blood now. Your oxygen rich blood flows through me. Your blood travels through my lungs and back up to my heart, only to be poured out once again. Come heal my wounds from within. Through my broken heart you’ve helped me to create art. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, Do you believe in life after loss? I don’t know what I’ve been doing, but I know that I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. I need to take this strength and turn the sand into glass; unbreakable glass. Temper not temperamental. Smooth not rough. Jagged edges are not allowed. Careful handling to prevent any cracks. If a crack forms I must fill it quickly, for I do not want to completely shatter. Xoxo-…

  Dear Avie, I’ll be leaving on a jet plane in a few hours. The airport will be full of the hustle and bustle of many other people traveling to their final destinations. I’ll be going back to subzero degree weather. In hopes that the frozen air back home wont also freeze my mind. You’ve been saved my sweet. You’ve been saved from the complications and the heartaches of this world. You’ve been preserved in…

Dear Avie, Today is the last day that I’ll be able to sit and listen to the waves. The flag is off in the distance, waving in the wind. The ocean is a beautiful blue. The steps are calling my name, asking me to walk across the weathered wood. My feet dip into the soft white sand. The moisture hits my lungs as I breathe in the air. The salt water is stinging my wounds,…

Dear Avie, I’m not sure how to move on from all of this. I need you to help guide me. Come back to being by my side. You were always here by my side. You’re a part of me. The best piece of the pie. The piece that I will never again be able to taste. I bite down on a much bitter taste now. Something that I don’t always recognize. Your name is instilled…