Dear Avie, Music is playing in the background. My pen and paper are in my hand. They take over me. Power flows through my purple pen. You are in every shade of purple. The color reminds me of you somehow. Even a color can bring me back to you. My truest of true loves. I have felt the worst pain. It makes everything else seem obsolete. Things become clearer as I weep for you. I…

Dear Avie, Can we go back to the day that we had to say goodbye? I wish I could see your face one last time. I am lying in a bed of tears. I don’t want to drown. Hoping that I will be able to survive. I am not sure how to survive without you by my side. The past is tasting a bit bitter now. I am seeing life through a new lens. I…

Dear Avie, One of your favorite songs came on the radio today. When you heard this song your eyes would lighten up even brighter. Always jamming out together especially when we were in the car. Singing and laughing out loud. You would place your hand over your mouth in sheer excitement. The pure joy on your face. The joy from life’s simplest of things. Music gave us wings. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, Your joy brought me joy. I was beginning to see the world through your innocent eyes. If only I could go back to seeing the beauty of this world instead of all the pain. When you were next to me I couldn’t feel any pain. Now that you are gone the pain stays. You are the ending to all the pain and misery. The resolution to all pain. I am just trying to…

Dear Avie, While I laid in bed I cuddled up into your soft pink fuzzy blanket. I buried my nose into the soft fabric. Hoping to smell your sweet smell. Your scent still lingers on the material. I held it up close to my nose, as I breathed you in. I can picture you here lying next to me. Your head smells so sweet. I crave you. My craving will never be satisfied until we…

Dear Avie, I wake up hoping that you will be lying next to me. My side of the bed feels empty since you’ve been gone. When I wake I cry. You aren’t here by my side. Gone are my dreams that I used to dream. This space fills up my bed. Is it all in my head? The day time fear. I would do anything to make you real again. You brought out the best…

Dear Avie, Please keep me safe. I’m starting to feel caved in. Searching for the love you gave me. I need you in my arms. So soft and sweet. My baby, forever now you sleep. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I’m so proud of you. You are healed. You are up there running around. No longer in need of a crutch. You have accomplished so much. You grew up right in front of me. It all happened too quickly. You are changing me from up above. I am the person you helped me become You accomplished so much in your short time here with me. You are where my eyes and soul need…

Dear Avie, Everything that comes also seems to go. Does anything last forever? I used to think so. Nothing last forever, I should know. It takes everything to get me out of this bed. I have to learn how to be functional all over again. I am afraid to get up. I must get up. I have to snap out of it. I need to release myself from my tangled up bed sheets. Your forever…

Dear Avie, We used to sing and dance in the car together. The car rides are silent now. I look into the rear view mirror searching for your sweet face. I only hope for you to look back at me. I wish I could look at you now. Your car seat was left in the car for a long time; I eventually had to take it out. Your toys and left over snacks had to…