Dear Avie, I wake up wondering if death is coming for me now. I feel as though I may die because of all the pain. Life seems so dark and cruel. Is my time coming? I am trying to look deeper, setting my sight onto the brighter side of things. Life is beautiful when the light is just right. I have to be gracious for my life. Appreciate things more while I am still alive.…

Dear Avie, Polly called me today and asked if I wanted to come over. She lives next door, but you already know that. You know Polly and you know exactly where she lives. You would always shout from the front door, “Powy, Powy”. Even when she wasn’t outside you would call out to her in hopes that she would be out there. I went over to her house only a skip and a hop away.…

Dear Avie, Mommy went to Camp Li Wa today. You used to go horseback riding up there. Tuesdays were the best days. Tuesdays were for riding horses. Do you remember Kiyah? I know you do; she’s up in heaven now with you. The two of you are riding among the clouds. I visited with many of your old friends at camp. New people are there too. The one thing that is missing is you. Even…

Dear Avie, I feel like I might be out of my mind. I shouldn’t be ashamed to say it. I’m trying to find myself again. Maybe this is who I’m supposed to be. I hope the fear will lose it’s power over me. I have to keep going. Wishing you were here with me. I want to feel you like I did before you were taken away from me. I want to be able to…

Dear Avie, Does the fear ever really go away? Will fear in time lose power over me, or will it stay? Riding the wave that never ends. I don’t know how much longer I can ride it. Blessed with a little bit of sadness and pain. I would do anything to hear you call my name. Please come take me away from all the fear and pain. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, Lavender sits in a glass beside my bed. The purple hues remind me of you. Purple shades of lavender mixed with a little bit of blue. The color purple brings me to you. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, My love for you will never become weak. I feed my love for you every day of the week. I even love you in my sleep. Were my eyes made to only weep? With so many tears it makes it hard for me to see. I wish I could see you now like I once did. The pain is screaming out for me. My pain takes you out of my dreams. Please come…

Dear Avie, I started a brand new journal for you. The last one has been filled. You, my love, could fill an endless amount of books. Your story will fill many books from the front to the very back. This journal is a bit thicker than the last. We will see how long this one lasts. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, When my eyes are closed I see your face. I don’t want to open them. I wish I could see you with my eyes open. No one can save me but you. Nothing can quench the thirst that I have for you. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, The light is starting to fade away in what used to be my bright green eyes. I cry out for you. There’s not much light left in my eyes. The waves of tears slowly come in from the oceans tide. Bringing me new life. I need comfort from the pain. The pain won’t ever be completely washed away. I don’t want everything to fade away. I want my memories to stay. I want…