Dear Avie, I went into my favorite store today. The antique store is a beautiful place. There are many trinkets and things. You have been in there a few times with me, my sweet. It is a very delicate place, filled with the old and the new things. Life’s little treasures. I stepped back to appreciate the old as well as the new. For the old creates the new. The past has a lot to…

Dear Avie, What is the weather like in heaven, my sweet? It’s chilly here today. I am not sure if it will turn to summer again. I need the sun to come out. Do you remember last summer, my sweet? It was the summer before you left me. We planted flowers together that summer. You love to play in the dirt. Your gentle hands helped me transplant all of the flowers into their little pots.…

Dear Avie, We tried for over a year to get pregnant. The day I told your Daddy that we were expecting a bouncing bundle of joy was one of the best days of my life. Finding out that I was pregnant was one of the greatest moments that your Daddy and I shared together. The two lines on the pregnancy test told no lie at all. We didn’t really know what it was going to…

Dear Avie, You are my anchor in the sea of waves. You are the fire inside of my veins. You are leading me to where it is that I need to be. Please continue to guide me. Release me from the pain of misery. There is no place that I would rather be than up in the clouds riding with you so free. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I am finally able to stand, but I stand afflicted. Help me find an end to all of my suffering. I know you are more than just a dream. You are real. My perfect design. I used to have you close to me. Come back to me. I need you, my baby. Please continue to pour down the power of the love that is your light. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I wish I could be with you. All I seem to do is cry. I cry out for you. I cry for myself. Writing temporarily heals some of my wounds. If I held it all in I would suffocate. My sweet I wish that we could run away from all of this. The pain is so intense. Here is where I have to stay until the light takes me away. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I feel like I can’t go on. I am not sure what’s right and what’s wrong. My life feels so very empty. A hole deep down in my bones. My heart aches for you. I can feel the tightness in my chest. Always gasping for air. I might just break down. I am in need of something to fill me. If I fall I won’t be able to get back up. I don’t…

Dear Avie, I am in need of a break between death and being alive. I need wakefulness in order to survive. Did I need to lose myself in order to find out who I really am? Is this all in my head? The pain stays it doesn’t just pass. Ashes are falling down all around me. The fire is burning hot. I will not take my eyes away from your flame. Climbing while trying to…

Dear Avie, Rub away the sand from your sleepy eyes. Awaken to a new day. I myself have been trying to wake up. Every day is the same as the last. The days are going by so fast. I am trying to find new ways to fill my days. There is a change coming. It’s almost to the surface. I can feel it. Coming up from the deep. Rising up to the surface. It’s coming…

Dear Avie, Was it all real? The things that I have seen. I wish that I could unsee all of the death. The trauma takes control over me. I feel like a stranger who is living my life. I would give up everything just to hold you again. Take away all of this death. I wish that you could come back to me. Xoxo- Mommy