Dear Avie, The walls are crowding my space. The cement is starting to break. Soon it will come crashing down. Will I be able to take on all of the weight? Is this the end of it all? The end of me? Or is it a new beginning? The trauma The trials. Chasing after me. Wrapping around my neck. I am struggling. Climbing up the water filled stairs. Trying to reach you. Walking towards the…

Dear Avie, I had a hard time getting out of bed. I thought about lying here all day. All alone. In our room. Filling up on tears. Over flowing. Drowning. Tossing and turning in our bed. The blankets wrap themselves around my body. Tightly around my neck. Covering me completely. Holding me down. Losing light. Throw me a life line. Another chance. Ripping the covers off my head. Searching for you. I can no longer…

Dear Avie, It is you that I have come to see. I need to leave reality. Show me the way from up above. Rid my life of the things that distract me. There is only one way in. One way out. I have a feeling. I just know. Searching. Pulling back on the reins. Turning back. I am all alone. Swallowing all of the pain whole. Figuring out how to live. Over and over again.…

Dear Avie, The rhythm of my heart is weak. My body is still in shock. My nerves are jumpy. I have no control over me. Struggling. Day by day. Just breathe. I tell myself. Keep breathing. I have to stay alive. I have to wake. I want to survive. Visualizing butterflies. Floating around my face. Ever so gently. Filled with so much peace. Happiness. For a minute I can breathe. This calms me. Meditating. Breathing.…

Dear Avie, Death came to our home. Too close for comfort. Forcing its way through our front door. Knocking us out. Taking us down. Taking over our home. Stealing away the life that we used to own. I have seen too much. My eyes have seen the ugly side of things. Forced to look beyond the veil. The scariest side of life revealed. I have seen too much death. Not enough life. This house used…

Dear Avie, I am stuck here drowning in my own tears. Where will my life go from here? Filling up my room with the water that spills from my eyes. The uncertainty. Flooding. Will it ever become clear? Is there life left behind these eyes of mine? Or does only death reside? I am not sure anymore. In fact, I am not sure of anything anymore. I am stuck living in a different kind of…

Dear Avie, I am sitting outside by our fire pit. Watching the fire as it burns through the wood. Devouring the stack. While I sit by the warmth of the fire it stirs up a burning desire. Within my soul. Taking over my body. Taking total control. My desire. Burning brighter with each passing day. If only I could have one last time. The flames took it all away. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I am reminded daily of who I used to be. Remembering all that I used to have. Come back down here. Be with me. Save me. Will I make it up to the heavens above? When I make it, I will be there forever with you. I want to dance and sing above the clouds with you. You and I will see the world from a different view. We will look over our…

Dear Avie, I will not forget about you. Please do not forget about me. My heart beats for you. Everyday. Beating. Bleeding. Beating until I am no longer breathing. Barely breathing until I am taken away from all of this pain. When I go I will be set free. Living in hell. Full of misery. The mystery. Can’t you see? Stuck down here mending my shattered wings. Trying to get back my lost dreams. Waiting…

Dear Avie, I mourn for the life that I used to have. The death of the life that I once knew. I am stuck down here. Waiting for you. I have to continue living without you. It is dull. Too dark. So cold down here. You are the one who made me happy. Now I am crippled with grief. You made me complete. Will I ever find happiness again my sweet? I need you. Pleading.…