Dear Avie, My love for you gives me the strength to keep swimming. The oceans waves guide the way. The sun’s rays fuel me. The water washes away my pain. There’s nothing the ocean can’t do. A million miles won’t keep me from finding you. Nothing will take me away from you. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I am so thirsty. I go to take a drink only to find that my glass is halfway empty. It used to be halfway full. The void grows bigger. Dehydrating me. Taking away my lifeline. Struggling to breathe. This is killing me. I miss you so much, my sweet. You make me complete. I wish you were here with me. You made everything better. Save me from this disease. I need to get…

Dear Avie, The pain keeps jabbing me. Stabbing at my half beating heart. Set me free from the pain. Death brings sadness. Grief. Misery. Death has changed me. My love has left me. Struggling to breathe. I’ve lost pieces of myself. My heart. My soul. The better parts of me. Hoping that someday you will come back to me. I have to keep trying. Is there room left for me in this lifetime? I don’t…

Dear Avie, This morning there was not a stir in the house. There was no pitter patter of little feet running around. Laughter didn’t echo throughout the house. There wasn’t even a mouse. My sleepy eyes felt like they were glued shut. I didn’t want to open them up to the day. The bright lights made me turn my head away. The lights were too much for my sensitive eyes. I rolled over grabbing ahold…

Dear Avie, Dipping my feet into the ocean. The cold water wakes me. I wish you were here. Let me feel you next to me. I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. The breeze combs my hair. My skin sparkles. My eyes glow bright just thinking of you. When will I find the answers to my questions? I know you can hear my prayers. What do I need to do?…

Dear Avie, The water can heal, but it can also take. A vicious cycle. The cycle of life. Giving. Then taking away. Nothing stays the same. Death lurking behind you. Creeping up on you. Up from beneath. Grabbing a hold of you. Taking control over me. Sinking in its teeth. Life is a beautiful gift. But it was taken from you. It was taken from me. Death isn’t far between. Time is precious my sweet.…

Dear Avie, The waves are out of control. Caught up in the riptide. Dragging me further away. Maybe I need to be pushed all the way out in order to find a way back in. Searching for a way to survive. Fighting to live. How much longer will I be able to swim? Life is hard. Bring me back in. Xoxo- Mommy

Dear Avie, I am not sure of who I am anymore. I will have to borrow a pair of wings. Mine have been torn. Ripped away from me. Maybe I deserve all of this. The darkness must be creeping back in. Living in sin. Taking away life’s precious things. Stealing my golden wings. My life was ripped from underneath me. Now I am being dragged down into the depths of the ocean. I can no…

Dear Avie, “Are you going to have another baby?” Why do they ask me that? I just lost you. Having another baby will not heal my grief. Having another baby will never replace you. They have no idea what I am going through. Traumatized by the world that I am living in. I wish this question would stop being asked. Take a minute. Think about that. The scarring covers my mind. Deep into my soul.…